Affair Recovery: Healing The Hurt
The pain caused by a marital affair can be extremely powerful. Within the process of recovery, there are three factors, the two members of the couple and the relationship itself. The relationship is its own entity and is damaged by the affair along with the two people. Also, remember that the guilty party will experience pain along with the betrayed spouse.
To achieve affair recovery, you must show patience and perseverance. When an affair occurs, it damages the very foundation of the marriage, but through certain steps, the relationship can survive. To do this, both husband and wife must make a full commitment to healing the marriage.
It is helpful in recovering from an affair to stop and realize the things that once had made for a strong and happy marriage. Recalling good times instead of dwelling on the dark days of deceit and infidelity puts the focus on the positives. It helps to repeat the things that attracted you to your spouse in the first place.
Once you have focused on the positives, it is time to examine your marriage and figure out what caused it’s stability to be shaken. Cheating rarely occurs when both partners are happy and satisfied, so it is important to discover just what went wrong, and why, in order to overcome the problem.
Affair recovery takes deep honesty about the situation that led to the affair and the feelings that went along with it, both in the offending spouse and in the wronged one. It is best to phrase statements about the situation in “I” statements rather than “you” statements. Say “I feel like X when you do Y” rather than “You make me feel bad when you look too much at other people.” Own your own feelings rather than being accusatory.
Deep honesty requires you to release the hurt that you feel instead of carrying unresolved feelings as baggage. To get over an affair both partners must get in touch with their personal values, hopes, and dreams while taking note of each other’s anger and pain.
The help of a third, unbiased person is often needed for recovery, as an outside party can bring a new understanding of the broken marriage’s dynamics and can provide advice on how to heal. You could visit a marriage counselor, a clergy member, or simply ask for help from a friend that both of you trust. Both husband and wife can benefit from getting an outside opinion. Remember to take the third person’s counseling experience into consideration. Infidelity is a difficult hurt to heal so be sure to seek qualified advice.
It is not easy to rebuild trust after an extramarital affair, but it can be done! The two of you once shared enough strength to join together and start a family, and you can use that strength to try again. Neither of you should downplay your pain, but you should not focus too much on it either. You cannot change the past, but the future holds so much possibility. Affair recovery can happen when the couple looks forward and sees that their marriage is strong enough to withstand this test.
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